East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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