dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
