we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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