You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
