So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
