the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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