i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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