We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
