i already hear my dad disowning me
I can text with my tongue
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
