Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
