I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
