I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize