Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
