I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
