I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
