you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He kissed a someone with a penis
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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