there's paper in my vomit.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize