allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
