I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize