It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
