the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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