We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
