i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
