i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
