All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
