I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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