I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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