I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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