I want to have your abortion
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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