it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
