found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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