i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
