i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
