You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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