I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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