Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
