I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
