Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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