Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
