I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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