he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
