Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
