is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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