Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
