Sry I called you an 8
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
