I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
