Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
