just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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