if only i could text you this smell
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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