The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
