I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
