Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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