Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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