how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
