You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
