Already got asked if we're dating
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize