I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
