This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize