I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
