I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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