On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
