neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
