i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
