another moral hangover. fuck.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
