When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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