We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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