remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
