When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
