My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
