So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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