I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
