Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
