i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
