Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
