how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize