You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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