I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
