My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i will never coherently bang her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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