So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
