Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
