I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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