I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize