Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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