I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Best friends brother. Beat that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
