kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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