Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
