So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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