it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
