hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
