Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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