Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize