Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
