Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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