yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
