wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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