And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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