I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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