we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
