Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
