so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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