i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
