I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am one with the molecules
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
