if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
