toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
