Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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