She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There r osticjed everywhere
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
