those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
