I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
