You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize