YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
