We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
