I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
