where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is not my ceiling
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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