I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize