Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize